Peace!

I haven’t written much lately. There has been a LOT going on and not all of it has been good. And so… I haven’t been writing… not for any of my blogs, not in my personal journal, not even in my Mass journal. I’ve had no peace and quiet to write. My brain spinning as fast as it can go and nothing filtering out. The thing is though, it is through writing that I find peace. It is through writing that I filter my life. I often take my personal journal to Mass. I go early for confession and then to sit before the Blessed Sacrament.  And while I sit there I talk but really mostly listen to what Jesus has to say.

Where I attend Mass most often adoration is for one hour immediately prior to each Mass. So on Saturday afternoons, I arrive about 3:00 to rest in the peace of Jesus in that hour. But I haven’t been doing that. Sometimes, I don’t even go to Mass there. I’ve gone to different places at different times. The craziness of it all has not let me settle. Along with the rest of my life being busy, I’ve had no routine.

There is comfort in routine sometimes. Then last weekend I returned to my church and with Monsignor back from an injury, it hit me… the simple words we here at every Mass, “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you”- It was precisely the Peace of Christ that I have not had! I have allowed things of this world to direct me all the while unsettling me. I have been going through the motions but not really engaging because there was no peace within me. I had allowed that peace to be interrupted. I had allowed things of this world to pull me in so many directions. I was rarely home and when I was home I was “busy” – working on an afghan, making baked goods for my bakery, and of course, cleaning. I wasn’t doing things that settle my soul. I had let my “heart be troubled” and afraid.

As a runner, I once asked my coach, “When do you know you are no longer running away from something, but running towards something?” He responded, “when you ask that question, you have begun.” I think my busy-ness was to run away. To not have to look into my heart and see what was there. To not have to sit in prayer and hear what was said.  And you know what? If we take time to listen to our Lord, the things we hear are always with love. Even the things we don’t want to hear. And with that love comes His Peace.

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.

Believe,

Bobbi

Second Chances

September is now being called Second Chance January…. New school years, new daily schedules, new opportunities that need not wait until the end of the year. Opportunities to begin something new.

We all like second chances. Jumbi, my rescue dog, seems happy that I gave him a 2nd chance. As I’ve said before, his original family got him as a puppy and then left him in the backyard. With me, he gets to be an indoor dog… all 70 lbs of him! But I’m his second chance. Actually I think I’m his 3rd chance. ;-) He’s learning to play and socialize. He’s learning to be loved just for being him even with his crazy storm paranoia.

How many times would you like a “do over”? A second chance to make a first impression, possibly. Or the time you did something not-so-bright and would like to make amends for it. I know there are times I’ve made poor choices and have been given another opportunity. And there are times that I have not been given the opportunity to “fix” what I did wrong. I’m quite sure I’ve done both to others as well. Was it right of me? Probably not.

Clearly our Lord believes in second chances. In Matthew 18:21-22 Peter asks Jesus, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.” Does He think Peter should forgive 490 times… No. He wants us to offer our forgiveness EVERY time. You see, His forgiveness of us begins anew each day. His faithfulness to us is unending.  His love is never ending. “But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:21-23 His mercy is allows available if we are willing to ask for it. He wants to be there for us.

It has taken almost 2 years for Jumbi to become completely comfortable in this new life style. Although,he still struggles with storms and noises and that has been a challenge for me, he has brought much laughter and happiness to my life.I often think that he is the one who gave me a second chance.  I can’t imagine giving up on Jumbi, just as I do not want our Father in Heaven to give up on me.

Believe,
Bobbi

Storms

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

It stormed Friday night. I used to LOVE storms but now I dread them. What changed? My rescue Jumbi. Jumbi is a 5 ½ year old Australian Cattle dog/black lab mix. His original family adopted him as puppy and then put him in the back yard to be left alone. No one played with him so he doesn’t know what to do with toys.. He did not get to come inside. What’s the point of having a dog if they aren’t part of the family? Anyway, I’m assuming for the first 3 ½ years this banishment to the yard meant he had to be outside in the worst of the Kansas City weather - snow, tornados, and storms… and we get some doozies here!

As Jumbi laid on my bed, while the storm did it’s thing outside Friday night, he panted and trembled. His trembles are so intense that it shakes the bed. When it’s not bedtime, he tries to be under me or between me and the solid object i’m closest to - the kitchen cabinets, the bathroom vanity, etc. You get the picture. He also tries to climb into the smallest spot possible… under the bed, into any cabinet I open, the refrigerator when I open it, and even the stove regardless of the temperature.

For Jumbi, storms are terrifying. Friday night’s storm was not too severe and so it was only the panting and trembling. While laying there trying to soothe him, I thought of the Apostles in the boat while Jesus slept. They were terrified. They may even have trembled. But God lets each of us experience those circumstances for us to learn from them. Learn what? To trust him. There is no place He will send us that He will not be with us.

After questioning the Apostles’ lack of faith, Jesus calmed the winds and sea. Can you imagine how beautiful this must have been to those in the boat? The calm sea, the clear skies, the sun shining through. It is the storms that bring the rainbows and sunshine. We often forget how beautiful it will be once the storm has cleaned the air and brought fresh life to everything with its life giving waters. Then the sunshine that makes everything bright again. Storms in our lives do the same thing. Jesus is the source of that life. He washes everything clean and brings new life to us.

I am learning to trust the storms. To trust that God only gives them to me to help me learn… to become who he wants me to be. He has given me so many ways to practice this trust. Yet He always sends a guide. The Holy Spirit provides avenues for me to follow God’s path. Sometimes it comes as an umbrella and sometimes it comes as a boat. Either way, it is never without the help of others.

Storms are part of our lives. Sometimes it takes the fiercest storms to help us appreciate the sunshine. Or maybe I should say Son-shine…

Believe,
Bobbi

Finding My Way

"Confidence and nothing but confidence was her motto.

And confidence was what I needed, not in myself but in God, a strong faith that he could use even me, with all my shortcomings, for whatever he wished to accomplish."

I wish I knew where I got this. It is so fitting for me. It might have even been me but I doubt it. I found it in unfiled notes on my phone. I have learned over time that I only seem to speak out when I'm in very comfortable surroundings. Don't get me wrong, I tend to open my mouth a little too much sometimes. However, where matters of my Catholic faith are concerned I am more cautious of what I say.

Let me explain...

I am part of a Small Christian Community (SCC) and we meet twice a month and discuss the Sunday readings in context of what they mean to us and how they apply to our lives. This group is predominantly couples who have been together for over 20 years. They accepted me into their fold in 2012 when I moved to the region. When I became part of this group I did not speak much. However as time passed and I knew it was a safe environment, I spoke up more.

From that group, the ladies began an Endow study. We read studies of papal encyclicals or about various saints (currently it's St. Catherine of Siena). When we get to the discussion questions, I speak. I have thoughts and opinions. In both of these groups I feel "safe" enough to speak and know if I'm misguided someone will lovingly guide me back on the true path.

In contrast I regularly go to RCIA at the local parish. When the director asks group questions of the group, I almost never speak up, at least not to the whole group. I talk a LOT in my small table but then it also depends on who else is sitting there. I have come to realize I lack the confidence to speak with authority about my my faith when there is someone around who I perceive to be far more knowledgeable than I.


Have you ever thought you didn’t know “enough” about Church teachings, Her beautiful history, or Her humble beginnings? I am slowly realizing that it’s OK to not know it all. That any one of us will never know it all. And that by being confident enough to speak you learn how much you actually know.

My confidence in myself will grow as I learn to trust in God’s will that He put me where He does because He trusts me with the experiences and knowledge He has given me.

Books, Books, and MORE Books

This post is really for me. I have a ever growing Amazon WishList. Even though I am never without a book it seems the list grows faster than I can read the books I add to it. Soooo... instead of adding more books right now, I'm posting this list of books from Word On Fire. They were asked to give their top books of 2013. There are some on here that I have read, but many I have not.  I have plenty of year end activities to attend to so I decided instead of just book marking for myself, if I post it here then others can benefit from it as well.

Wishing you many blessings in the New Year!

Believe,
Bobbi

Mary

I'm reading a new book. Walking with Mary by Edward Sri. The opening line of the Introduction was a total "Ah ha!" moment for me. The author states that a friend of his commented once "I'm not sure how devoted I've been to Mary. But I know she has been very devoted to me." WOW! He is so correct. Sometimes we don't understand know her as we should but we take for granted, just as we do our earthly mothers, that she is there for us. Guilty as charged! 

I know that I so want to learn the tenants of my religion that I missed out learning as a child. (Remember I was baptized Catholic, identified myself as Catholic but was never actually taught what it meant to BE Catholic). When I decided to take this journey, I realized there is so much I don't know. And that I will be playing catch-up for a long time to come! It's ok though, I'm happy to have found my home in the Catholic Church. 

What I did learn as a child though was that Mary was important and I was taught to pray the Hail Mary. I did own a rosary but did not learn how to pray it. I have been trying to learn it by heart but I have not been consistent. I keep letting life interfere - it's a choice and I know I need to make the right choice. Mary keeps reminding me of that!

Lately I seem to be drawn to books about her. I finished Under the Mantle last night. In this book author Donald Calloway explains how Mary fits into so many parts of our lives and beliefs as Catholics.It's a wonderful book that puts so many topics for our current age into perspective with Mary's help.

Sooo....Mary seems to be speaking to me... calling my name to be nearer to her. To learn to trust God the way she did. To accept all the events of my life with hope in the Lord. I only hope that I can reciprocate the devotion she has shown me.

Learning

I'm learning... mostly that there is so much to learn! I've also learned that for people who want to be Catholic there is no consistent program. Sure parishes have RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults) but it's different depending on who is doing the teaching. I guess as an educator (I teach Middle School during the day) I would think at minimum the Archdiocese would have a consistent set of standards or curriculum that should be taught to everyone. But that doesn't seem to be so. I'm not saying it all should be done the same way. But rather, that all parishes would work with the same materials. So far I've seen two different books and in one parish they simply used Catholic Update newsletters.

Sooo.... I guess I'm on a mission to see what can be done about that. I want to ask several different people (priests, nuns, deacons and all sorts of laity what the 10 things they believe should be taught to someone entering our beautiful faith. Now I just need to figure out which people to ask!

Believe,
Bobbi