I haven’t written much lately. There has been a LOT going
on and not all of it has been good. And so… I haven’t been writing… not for any
of my blogs, not in my personal journal, not even in my Mass journal. I’ve had
no peace and quiet to write. My brain spinning as fast as it can go and nothing
filtering out. The thing is though, it is through writing that I find peace. It
is through writing that I filter my life. I often take my personal journal to
Mass. I go early for confession and then to sit before the Blessed Sacrament. And while I sit there I talk but really mostly
listen to what Jesus has to say.
Where I attend Mass most often adoration is for one hour
immediately prior to each Mass. So on Saturday afternoons, I arrive about 3:00
to rest in the peace of Jesus in that hour. But I haven’t been doing that.
Sometimes, I don’t even go to Mass there. I’ve gone to different places at
different times. The craziness of it all has not let me settle. Along with the
rest of my life being busy, I’ve had no routine.
There is comfort in routine sometimes. Then last weekend I
returned to my church and with Monsignor back from an injury, it hit me… the
simple words we here at every Mass, “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to
you”- It was precisely the Peace of
Christ that I have not had! I have allowed things of this world to direct me
all the while unsettling me. I have been going through the motions but not
really engaging because there was no peace within me. I had allowed that peace
to be interrupted. I had allowed things of this world to pull me in so many
directions. I was rarely home and when I was home I was “busy” – working on an
afghan, making baked goods for my bakery, and of course, cleaning. I wasn’t
doing things that settle my soul. I had let my “heart be troubled” and afraid.
As a runner, I once asked my coach, “When do you know you
are no longer running away from something, but running towards something?” He
responded, “when you ask that question, you have begun.” I think my busy-ness
was to run away. To not have to look into my heart and see what was there. To
not have to sit in prayer and hear what was said. And you know what? If we take time to listen
to our Lord, the things we hear are always with love. Even the things we don’t
want to hear. And with that love comes His Peace.
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to
you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be
troubled, nor let it be fearful.
Believe,
Bobbi
